Trump Declares [Insert Horrible Shit Here]

US PRESIDENT Donald Trump has angered [minority] groups across America today, after announcing [fundamentally unsound and outright counterproductive policy which flies in the face of reason and common sense] today.

Trump issued the statement via a number of tweets today, which stated that [140-character stream of conciosusness containing questionable grammar and petty, snide remarks taking potshots at people Trump perceives to be his enemies].

Additionally, Trump stressed that the new ruling will [strengthen the security of America/create new jobs/strengthen the military/fix a problem caused by Barack Obama/make America great again], was met with a severe backlash from [already-downtrodden minority group/innocent civilians/Democrats], but was cheered by [Republicans/spam accounts/ racists/American citizens who have completely bought into the promises and rhetoric of Donald Trump], as witnessed in the response to Trump’s tweets.

“I think it’s great that Trump is finally doing something about [thing that doesn’t need anything done about it]” wrote one Trump supporter, from a Twitter account that sells [mugs/t-shirts].

“Trump can go to hell if he thinks that the American people will stand idly by and let him [thing Trump is going to do while America stands idly by]” said one anti-Trump protestor, with a Twitter avatar of [Rick & Morty/weed].

The inflammatory statement by Trump is just the latest in a string of worrying policies mooted by the White House, which include [everything you’ve ever feared your entire life].