MEASURES are being put in place to combat the stark news that almost a third of Irish children are now classed as overweight, such as the new tax on sugary drinks, and the renaming of McDonald’s Happy Meals as something more like ‘eating can’t make you happy’ meals.
The surge in childhood obesity has sent waves of terror into the hearts of medical practitioners, but less so into the hearts of parents who just want to buy their kids something tasty to eat so they’ll all have a good time as a family and maybe Mam and Dad will get five minutes to check their phones in peace.
Nevertheless, new rulings have stated that Happy Meals, containing kids favourites such as chicken nuggets, hamburgers and early onset heart disease, will now come in plain grey boxes with no cartoon characters or toys, except for a badge that reads ‘I was happy when I got my Happy Meal but I won’t be happy when I lose a foot to diabetes’.
“This is the new mascot for McDonald’s, she’s called ‘Nanny State'” said a spokesperson for the government.
“Nanny State is a kind old woman who tells you when you’ve had enough, and when you should go and do some pushups. Nanny State doesn’t like fat little boys and girls, she likes kids who grow up to be productive, healthy members of society who don’t place unnecessary burdens on our creaking health system. Now, who wants a ‘temporary, fleeting happiness’ meal, with a side order of false memories?”
Needless to say the Happy Meals fall under the new Happy Meal tax, described by the government as a happy coincidence.