BEFORE they can even tackle the tough task of justifying a number of the more controversial elements of budget 2018, the government’s newly installed Communications Unit must first justify its own existence through a series of carefully scripted press releases and sound bites.
With a budget of €5 million allocated to the spin department with special responsibility for making everything Leo Varadkar does sound like the second coming of Christ, the new department is under immediate pressure to justify the spend.
“What if we send out a shiny press release that says spin departments are the norm in all functioning governments in the West,” suggested one member of the spin team, while pointing at a pie chart that didn’t seem to indicate anything in particular.
Before any suggestions as to how to make spending €5 million on PR sound like a good thing can be actioned, all suggestions must first be heavily focused grouped.
“I agree with the message, but let’s see how it plays with over 65s and under 25s who routinely post about Rick and Morty online, they’re a key demo,” confirmed another member of the Comms Unit, as she returned from her 6th coffee run of the morning.
Extensive projects such as getting the hashtag ‘LeoTheLedge’ trending and pretending like the housing crisis is solved have been shelved until the team can first justify their own existence.
Maintaining their belief that the good work of the Comms Unit could be held in high esteem by the public given the correct amount of bullshit spouted, a major breakthrough in messaging was made when one member of the team wrote ‘buzzwords?’ in big writing on a white board.