“Oh Make No Mistake, We’re Bribing You” – Government Unveils Tax Cuts

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THE GOVERNMENT has given the clearest indication yet that the upcoming budget will contain tantilising bribes for middle income earners in the form of cuts to income tax and USC, WWN can reveal.

Newly installed as the chief advisor to the Department of PR and Spin, senior civil servant Cyril Sergeant spoke candidly of the government’s decision to throw money at people at a time when investment in key services is as essential and required as ever.

In a change from the normal government press briefings, Mr. Sergeant spoke clearly and made no attempt to sugarcoat what could amount to a grossly irresponsible reduction in important revenue generating taxes.

But isn’t this all part of a wider, fiscally responsible move?

“Haha, thanks, we appreciate you guys in the media trying to frame it that way, but no, look it, it’s a fucking bribe at the end of the day; here’s some free money, now vote for us again whenever there’s an election. There will be some more of where that came from later,” confirmed Sergeant, while lighting 50 euro on fire for no good reason.

“I think I’ve got to say something about how this is a reward for all that the people have sacrificed for the country in the dark times of austerity, yeah, will you include that, but yup, it’s a bribe,” added the candid Sergeant, who is very aware of the fact that a civil servant he can’t be fired.

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