How To Hear What People Say About You After You Leave A Room

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DO you ever wonder what your friends, family or co-workers say about you after you leave the room? Perhaps they compliment you, perhaps they let slip some closely-held disdain for you. Either way, it’s bound to be fascinating, and a key insight into how the world see’s you.

WWN has some more subtle ways to find out these details than to simply camp up outside the door with our ear pressed to the wood, listening intently for any mention of your name. Here’s how you can eavesdrop subtly and learn more about yourself!

1) Have an excuse

All you really have to do is have some reason to stay at the door after you leave such as tying your shoelace, checking your phone, anything except just standing there. If someone rounds the corner and sees you checking your phone, they won’t think anything of it. If someone opens the door unexpectedly and finds you there just pressed against it, they’re going to know you were snooping. Have some activity to cover yourself!

2) Listen intently for a minute, at most

If people are going to say anything about you, they’ll say it in the moments after you leave, before moving on to whatever business they’re getting down to. So you only need to listen for a few minutes to see if they’re talking about you or not.

3) Wait, hang on…

Did someone just say ‘bring out the gimp?’…. what the fuck?

4) Oh no

Holy shit, they’re all fucking each other! Your whole family/circle of friends/upper management team! It’s a hideously depraved orgy, which by the sounds of things is taking place without any form of lubrication whatsoever. You cannot see what is going on, but the screams alone paint a vivid, sordid image that will haunt your nightmares for the rest of your life.

5) Why weren’t you invited?

Hey, what gives? Everyone is in on this sick fetish party, and they didn’t invite you? Hard not to be hurt by that, eh?

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