WATERFORD native Declan Kinlan has welcomed the onset of the Autumnal chill with a fresh vow to spend the next four, maybe five months harping on constantly about how wet, cold and miserable he is to anyone within earshot.
Kinlan, 36 but sounds more like 64, has made it his personal quest to be the first person at work each morning to state how cold the weather is, how cold he was in bed last night, how damp he got from sitting on the bus with a hundred other damp people, and how he’s ‘not looking forward to going out in that’ later in the day.
Fully armed with long pointless stories about immersions, the big coat, the draught from the window in the bathroom and the lacklustre performance of a pair of running shoes when walking through puddle-strewn streets, Kinlan is confident that he won’t need to stray into any other topic of conversation apart from the weather until March, at best.
“It does start to wear you down around November” sighed one of Kinlan’s long-suffering co-workers.
“Every morning, without fail.’Isn’t it cold?’… ‘I got soaked this morning’… ‘ I can barely feel my toes’… yeah we fucking know, Dec. You see any of us walking around in shorts?”.
The first blooms of spring in March will herald the end of Kinlan’s drone about the cold weather, and begin a 7-month griping session about how hot it is.