5 Advantages Of Living In The Countryside

TIRED of living in the town where you grew up? No? Well, you might not have much say in the matter any more, with the proposed new scheme that could see homeless people “offered” the “choice” of a home in the countryside somewhere instead of in the towns and cities where they have made a life for themselves. But hey, the countryside has it’s advantages and here’s five of them:

1) Fresh air

Now there’s something you don’t get in the town; the great feeling of walking out your front door in the morning and being met with a lovely face full of fresh air. Look all around you, there’s nothing except fresh air, and the warm friendly glow of whatever half-built ghost estate on the edge of a commuter belt town that you’ve been relocated to.

2) Less traffic

Who wants to live in a bustling town, constantly droning of traffic? No, what you want is the countryside, which has little or no traffic. No cars, no vans, no busses, no trains, no public transport at all, really. In fact, the only traffic there’ll be will be you, in the car you’ve had to buy, insure and tax in order to get yourself and your family around the place.

3) More peace and quiet

Tired of having friends and family checking in on you all the time? Have no fear of anything like that in the country, you’ll be seperated from your friends by miles and miles of countryside, perfectly alone with your thoughts in a one-bedroom apartment in Moate that was on the market for 300 grand before it got boarded up for a decade. Still, better than a hotel, isn’t it? Quit your crying.

4) Lots of space for the kids

For once in 3 years, your kids will be able to play in their very own house, and not on the floor of a hotel. They’d better like your new house, because they sure as shit won’t be asked around to any of the local kid’s house. Country folk are friendly, but they know an outsider and a blow-in when they see one. If you’re in that estate over there, then you’re clearly a poor person from Dublin or wherever, probably on drugs or something. You’ve got a house that the rest of us would have had to work hard and pay for? Keep you and your kids to yourselves.

5) More fresh air

Look, we hate to labour the point, but fresh air is better for you than living in the city. You’re not in a position to argue with us right now, you’ll volunteer for this house on the Fermanagh-Cavan border or you’ll go back to the bottom of the housing list again.