WWN’s Horoscopes

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aries

21 March – 20 April

You spend 13 hours loudly trying to suck a popcorn kernel out of your teeth.  

taurus

21 April – 21 May

You consider switching from Team Taylor to Team Katy.

gemini

May 21 – June 20

Do you have your name down? Ah, you better get your name down, quick.  

cancer

June 21 – July 22

Probably time to crack into that New Years resolution, isn’t it?  

leo

July 23 – August 22

Got a hot take on the Halawa case? Get yourself to Twitter!  

virgo

August 23 – September 22

VIRGO FOR SAM 2018

libra

September 23 – October 22

You have your windows replaced with TVs and play something sunny on each one.  

scorpio

October 23 – November 21

You gave a euro to a homeless person at the weekend, and you’re alarmed to see him still on the street today. Has he spent it all already? 

sagittarius

November 22 – December 21

A dog adopts you.  

capricorn

December 22 – January 19

Your diet improves after you place a ban on eating anything that comes in a box, a bag, or a tray.  

aquarius

January 20 – February 18

Your biker gang still consists of just you.  

pisces

February 19 – March 20

We’re going down the shop, do you want anything?  

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