“Too serious, too smiley, not… manly enough, too manly. Looks like Ryan Tubridy turned inside out and left out in the rain for a month. Too many Rs in his name.”
The words of local Waterford woman Ailbhe Herrin as she lounged on her couch continually swiping left on popular dating app Tinder.
Herrin, a perennially single 28-year-old who can’t fathom why she can’t find a partner, has been left completely underwhelmed by the last 14,000 Tinder profiles she has scanned through, prompting her friends to inquire as to just what single man would catch her eye.
“Not asking for much and, obviously you guys know I’m not fussy, so just a guy who looks like Ryan Gosling and has the voice of Michael Buble and works for a charity; more or less the perfect human being. And just, you know, someone who ‘gets me’,” Herrin explained, as her housemates exchanged silent glances with one another.
Commandeering Herrin’s phone, her housemates began swiping right in a manic fashion much to the displeasure of the HR manager.
“Ha, yeah, nice picks here guys. This one you swiped right on is a heart surgeon and part time firefighter who says family is the most important thing to him in his life, doesn’t sound like he’d have a lot of time to spend with me, leave the swiping to me you amateurs,” Herrin remarked once she got her phone back.
“Look, when I see him I’ll know. It’s just that the last 14,000 profiles haven’t really had anything going for them,” Herrin explained.
Careful not to just come out and just call her a fussy bitch who isn’t getting any younger, Herrin’s housemate Aoife left the sitting room to mutter the words under her breath from the safety of the kitchen.