THE RESULTS of a groundbreaking new €34mn study into time wasting has found that the average human male spends approximately 23.87 months of his life waiting on girlfriends who stopped to pet a cat on the street.
The phenomenon was also found to be higher with petting cats than dogs, with ferrets and homeless people coming only third and fourth place in successfully seeking attention from women as they’re out walking with their partners.
“It’s getting easier now for men with advancing technology to pass the time in between cat strokes,” study man Professor James Robertson pointed out, “the majority of men these days, usually log onto their smartphones during these exchanges between feline and female, begging the question: what did they do before such devices were invented?”
Astonishingly, those subjects questioned in the study about what they usually do, said they welcomed the brief pause while out walking, stating that when a girlfriend stops on the street to pet a cat, it usually gives them time to check up on the latest football results, or peel their mickies from their inside leg.
“Good time to fix the aul’ ball sack, or even hock out a crusty one from the nose while she’s not looking,” one male subject replied in a questionnaire, “sure, you’d be thankful of the peace and quiet too; there’s usually a lot less talking to me and more whissh whissh whisshying going on at the cat – which is a bonus in any man’s book”.