“Piss Off We Don’t Care,” Parents Tell Junior Cert Children

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ELATED teenagers across the country who received their Junior Certificate results today have been told by their exam weary parents to ‘piss off’, as they simply can’t muster the energy to pretend to care, WWN can reveal.

The vast majority of households in which several children have already undergone the Junior Certificate examinations contain within them parents who can no longer act wildly ecstatic at the fact their children completed exams labelled as ‘a bit of meaningless box ticking’ and ‘a walk in the park’ by education experts.

The last decade has seen a huge shift in how parents deal with the Junior Certificate as many take to sharing with their children that it’s all ‘piss easy’ and ‘meaningless’.

Information coming into WWN suggests some 72% of parents are still ignoring calls and messages made by their children who are seeking to share their results. This attitude is mirrored by secondary schools in Ireland as many premises remained closed with prinicipals turning up to schools as late at 12pm remarking to anxious students ‘ah, keep your hair on, you were all just given As to keep you from crying’.

“Look, piss off, will you? Your sister did the Leaving last year. What do you want me to say? ‘Well done on the 12 As’. Just feck off to the off licence and gimme a call when you need picking up ‘cus you’ve puked outside a disco, alright?” scolded one inpatient Waterford parent, Ciara Muncatty, who explained her apathy and irritation to WWN.

“Michael’s my youngest so I guess he doesn’t get it, but 12 As in the junior is about as impressive as getting dressed in the morning, and here he is asking for praise, support and acknowledgement. He didn’t even have a nervous breakdown studying for it. The eejit has a head on him like he’s cured cancer or something,” Muncatty concluded.

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