5 Places To Take A Dump If McDonalds Go On Strike

WORKERS in McDonalds in the UK have taken strike action for the first time, demanding an end to zero hours contracts, and better pay and conditions overall. Should this strike extend to Ireland, then McDonald’s customers may be faced with two problems; where to get five eurosaver hamburgers at 2 o’clock in the morning, and where to go for a sneaky shite when you’re out and about. We’re not sure about the five burgers, but we can help you with your number two:

1) Starbucks

Spread the love around a little with a visit to Starbucks, where you can pretend to be waiting around for an overpriced mug of hot water, before sneaking off to the jacks and skulking out the back. You get to treat Starbucks like a toilet without paying a single penny, just like they treat Ireland like a toilet without paying a penny in tax.

2) Intel

It’s a little out of town, but you can duck into Intel and do your business without fear of being tackled by security. “Excuse me sir, these facilities are for paying customers only!”… Yeah, so is our national infrastructure pal, stroll on LOL.

3) Dáil Bar

You pay tax, don’t you? Then demand that the staff at the gates of Leinster House let you in when you’re bursting. The Dáil bar is ideal for spending a penny without spending a penny, if the raft of unpaid bar tabs are anything to go by.

4) In Temple Bar

There’s a knack to this one, mind. All you have to do is get so drunk you collapse on the street in Temple Bar, then you can shit yourself without any fear of social stigma. You’re not a drunken mess, you’re a drunken legend! You can dine out on this story for years!

5) In the woods

If it works for bears, it can work for you.