Roy Keane Spends Day Just Fucking Staring At Irish Team

THE Republic Of Ireland football team have applied for a Garda escort out of the Aviva stadium if their must-win clash with Serbia doesn’t go to plan, amid fears over what assistant manager Roy Keane might do to them if they fail to play well.

The concerns were raised by the team after reports that Keane had spent the whole day yesterday ‘just fucking staring everyone out of it’, gritting his teeth while wearing a t-shirt emblazoned with the score from Saturday night’s dismal 1-1 draw with Georgia.

With manager Martin O’Neill playing a basically-unchanged line-up of players from Saturday’s dour and lifeless display, assistant manager Keane has been brought in to ‘assistant manage the fuck’ out of the situation, which the players have admitted is making them more worried about the game than anything else.

“There’s a fair few lads out injured, and they’re the lucky ones,” said a source close to the Irish squad.

“I’ve never seen Roy this angry before. I swear to Christ, he stared at them lads for four hours without blinking. I had to go over and check if he was even breathing. He was staring at Robbie Brady while there was flies crawling on his eyeballs. It was scary, I tell you”.

A spokesperson for An Garda Síochána has responded to the team’s request for an escort after the game, stating that they would gladly help the boys out if they ‘quit playing that long ball shite’.