HOMELESSNESS in Ireland is an issue that hardly needs explaining to the people of Ireland, however, the same can’t be said of the government as it continues to struggle with the concept.
In an attempt to help the public help the government understand just what needs to be done WWN has contrived a list with 5 easy ways to guilt the government into helping the homeless, seeing as simply asking them to so has proven to be a terrible, idiotic strategy.
1) As part of an elaborate ploy that will take months and months of planning and effort make someone close to a minister homeless
While no one’s conscience would be clear if they partook in a plot to make someone homeless, leading experts in the field of making politicians care about anything have confirmed that were a close member of a politician’ s family to find themselves homeless the government could well magically produce a well-funded and coheshive strategy that tackles the lack of supply of housing, afforadable housing and the dirth of a long term rehabilitation programme to help those who find themselves on the streets. The guilt they will feel at seeing a real and important normal person on the streets will gnaw away at them.
2) Declare a war on house prices
The government has in the past nobly proclaimed that they will do everything in their power to protect the most vulnerable property prices in the country, with a pledge to ensure ‘no 3 bed semi-detatched goes without an extra zero on the end of its value for no discernable reason’. What if the public was to arm itself and delcare some sort of Holy War on housing prices, beginning with simply shouting ‘no’ in a defiant manner when the Irish Times tries to make out like €600,000 for 2 bricks and a parking space in Dublin 4 is value for money.
3) The more we think about it, making a minister homeless might do the trick
Try finding a minister who doesn’t already own multiple properties and make them apply for a mortgage while saving for a 10% deposit while paying €1800 for a half a recycling bin in the stairwell of a fire escape that’s locked. They’ll get the message soon enough. Oh, they all own houses, some of them own several? Right, shite. The guilt a minister may feel when faced with the prospect of not being able to get a foot on the property and landlord ladder will prove too much.
4) Photoshop Leo Varadkar’s face onto a homeless person, play sad music over it and force him to look at it
The strange phenonemon of politicians being unable to feel for other people who are not themselves persists throughout the world despite modern advances in self-awareness and empathy. Was the Taoiseach able to glance upon his own image housed upon the neck and shoulders of a homeless person, who knows what profound measures would be taken to save himself. Search Spotify for a ‘sad songs’ playlist and you just might solve this whole crisis.
5) Say the following words:
“If you get them a permanent address, they can vote for you”.