WWN’s Horoscopes

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aries

21 March – 20 April

You hear back from that job interview. Sorry, but they decided to go with the guy who had a fucking clue.  

taurus

21 April – 21 May

If you drank as much water as you do beer, you’d literally be the healthiest person in the world.  

gemini

May 21 – June 20

You’re still not over the death of Diana.  

cancer

June 21 – July 22

You finally clear your credit card, and all it took was the selling of one lousy kidney.  

leo

July 23 – August 22

Younger you would never believe how older you loves the cleaning power of Vanish stain remover.  

virgo

August 23 – September 22

No-one will smell your finger. Smell it yourself.  

libra

September 23 – October 22

Didn’t get the course you wanted in the second round of CAO points? There’s always politics!  

scorpio

October 23 – November 21

Stop doing Buzzfeed quizzes, you’re always going to end up stupider.  

sagittarius

November 22 – December 21

You finally stop talking about Rick & Morty.  

capricorn

December 22 – January 19

You wake up in Stradbally with no recollection as to how you got there.  

aquarius

January 20 – February 18

3…2…1.. you can finally talk about Game Of Thrones without people giving out about spoilers.  

pisces

February 19 – March 20

Oh shit, there’s your ex, go go go go go go go!

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