Kim Jong Un Spends Day Making Rocket Noises

ATTEMPTS to negotiate a peace deal with North Korea have reached an impasse, with the Supreme Leader Kim Jong Un locking himself away in his bedroom where aides say he has spent the last few hours making ‘rocket noises’ and ‘big explosion sounds’.

Tensions mounted in the region following an underground nuclear test by North Korea at the weekend, with unconfirmed reports that the rogue state has successfully tested a miniaturised hydrogen bomb that could be carried by the country’s 2-stage intercontinental ballistic missiles, or ‘pshh-psshhh-bbbboooms’ as Kim calls them, which they have developed over the course of a year of nuclear escalation.

With US president Donald Trump issuing statements that any further threats from North Korea would result in severe repercussions, the people of North Korea have waited for their Supreme Leader to stop pretending that his pen is a missile and clarify his intentions for the country’s nuclear program.

“To be fair, our leader is making just the best rocket sounds, very authentic,” said one troubled North Korean citizen, who is confident that his leader is working with everyone’s best intentions at heart.

“And we’re sure that the US will consider the citizens of North Korea before they launch any pre-emptive strikes against us, and not just go on a fire-and-fury bombing rampage that endangers the lives of civilians who are just trying to live in peace. But, lest anyone accuse me of saying anything to the contrary, Kim Jong Un really is a great man. You can put your rifle down. He’s the best”.

Kim was unavailable for comment, but his generals have confirmed that their rockets are more than capable of carrying out the ‘swerves and dips’ that Kim’s toy missiles can.