Border Fears Grow As Brexit Plan To Make It Even Harder To Buy Fireworks

ALTHOUGH the British government has insisted that there will be no Brexit-imposed return to a ‘hard border’ between the Republic of Ireland and Northern Ireland, fears are growing for the future of the fireworks industry ahead of the Halloween 2017.

With Downing Street reaffirming that trade across the border will remain ‘seamless and frictionless’, on-the-ground reports have hinted at a much stricter eye on what gets brought from the north into the free state, which could have catastrophic repercussions on how many Black Cat bangers appear on our streets in October.

“They haven’t got a single clue about what they’re doing. They say that we’ll be able to head up to Newry and buy squealers, but didn’t say how we’ll be able to bring them home,” cried one furious 9-year old from Dundalk, who has already made plans for whose letter-box he plans to throw squibs into.

“What the people on the border areas need is a clear, concise plan from the UK as to how it intends to leave the EU but maintain an open trade corridor with an EU state. They’re going to maintain a common travel area, and enforce greater immigration control at the same time? They have no idea how to accomplish that, and they’re offering nothing but platitudes to people from the Republic and to Northern people who voted to remain,” added the primary school pupil.

“It’s all very well and good for them to say yeah, go on, you can head up north and buy airbombs and cheap drink and big boxes of Daz, but they have no plan in place as to who any of that will be in check with EU guidelines. I can see it’s nonsense, and I’m fucking nine”.

When pressed on the subject, Theresa May was quick to point out a dog playing in the yard outside Downing Street, and then ran off when everyone was looking.