NORTH Korean leader Kim Jong-un has ordered his military commanders to take the US by surprise and tell them exactly where they plan to bomb and when they’re going to do it, sources in Pyongyang have revealed.
In what is being hailed as his most ingenious move yet, the 33-year-old leader spelled out his plan to fire four Hwasong-12 missiles over Japan and into waters around Guam, but not before telling his enemies, and the rest of the entire world, exactly what he’s going to do.
“Let’s just tell them we’ll bomb here,” Jong-un reportedly told his chiefs, to which they applauded in a rather fast clap, resembling a group of seals, “they’ll think I’m super crazy crazy. Even more crazy than Trump. We will bomb the sea around Guam and show them who’s the crazy boss”.
To date, the North Korean military has a 100% hit rate when it comes to hitting the sea with missiles, a statistic US Secretary of Defence James Mattis said may be cause for concern for the region.
“There are a lot of innocent fish in those waters,” Mattis explained, grunting slightly with laughter, “American fish! Fish that did nothing wrong to North Korea. All we can do is ask Kim Jong-un not to bomb that area of sea we really don’t care about. But if he does, we will nuke the mad cunt”.
Pyongyang is said to be retaliating over a fresh round of sanctions imposed on it by proxy state, the United Nations – which the United States frequently uses to bully countries it doesn’t like into doing whatever they want.