21 March – 20 April
Dance as if nobody is watching, even though we’re all watching and we think you’re an idiot.
21 April – 21 May
You are filled with dread after realising the next bank holiday isn’t for months.
May 21 – June 20
You go for a hike, then after less than an hour you request a Hailo ‘that can handle fields’.
June 21 – July 22
Your co-workers are really starting to tire of your one-man rendition of STOMP.
July 23 – August 22
Someone shows you an actual photograph and you try to pinch it to ‘zoom in’.
August 23 – September 22
Your life would be so much easier if only you could scam someone out of a great deal of money.
September 23 – October 22
Someone scams you out of a great deal of money! Your life just got like, infinity times more hard!
October 23 – November 21
Your Daft Punk tribute gig gets off to a bad start after the venue refuse you entry until you take your helmet off.
November 22 – December 21
You fondly remember the days when your milkshake brought all the boys to the yard.
December 22 – January 19
Life gives you a verruca, so you make a nice glass of verruca-ade.
January 20 – February 18
You take up smoking again after spending several minutes on fire
February 19 – March 20
You remain oddly excited about how bad things are going to get over the next few years with Trump and Brexit and all that.