Local Shop That Sold Winning Lottery Ticket Thinks It’s Fucking Great

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A WATERFORD newsagents has placed a poster in the front window proclaiming that it has recently sold a jackpot-winning Lotto ticket, as if that makes them some sort of big swinging dick now all of a sudden.

Sheehan’s Spar shop in Dunmore was also featured in the local news, beaming about how they sold the winning ticket for the €1.2 million top prize, despite the winner not wanting to make a fuss.

“Yep, we sold the winning ticket here on Wednesday morning”, beamed owner Sean Sheehan, acting like he had personally saved the world or some shit.

Staff at Sheehan’s have been instructed to be extra happy for the next fortnight, and to remind all customers that they ‘sold a winner’, seemingly working under the belief that anyone gives ‘one iota of a fuck about that kind of thing’.

“T’was a Quick Pick, but it turned out to a lucky one for one of our loyal customers,” added Sheehan, “that’s what we want to let people know: Sheehan’s is a lucky place to come to if you want to buy your Lotto tickets, twenty fags, a bottle of Lucozade or whatever.

“Sheehan’s! The lucky ones!” he added again, smiling this time like a clown.

However, the drive to promote Sheehan’s as a ‘lucky’ establishment has since attracted a large number of customers who are statistically unaware of the probability of the shop ever selling another winning ticket again.

“If you don’t play, you’ll never win,” one elderly customer explained, before admitting to being caught in an never ending lotto loop, “I’m just worried that the one time I don’t do the lottery, my numbers will come up. I’m basically locked into handing over 20 euros a week for the rest of my life on the back of that fear”.

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