ACCORDING to the latest economic health check, Ireland has officially emerged from the ‘lost decade’ with employment levels and growth now going beyond their 2007 levels, a leading stockbroker has confirmed.
What lessons have the Irish people learned in their ten years of austerity and unemployment? WWN has the top five below:
1) Invest heavily in property
If there is one thing we’ve all learned from the lost decade, is that a lot of people lost hundreds of thousands of euros investing in property while purchasing at their peak. Do not make this same mistake again. Best invest right now in as many properties as you can while the prices are so low. In fact, house prices are expected to jump another 40% by the end of this sentence, so hurry on, silly, get mortgaging.
2) Open loads and loads of small businesses
Now that consumer spending is on the up again we can act on another thing we’ve learned during our ten-year time out. Namely, opening up a number of small pointless businesses based on current fads. Does your town have a vape shop, a bagel bakery, or a nail salon? If the answer is no, then it’s time to set up ten of each in your local town or village. Businesses like that are recession-proof. Get down to the bank and get a massive business loan and watch all those euros fly in the door.
3) An apartment in Bulgaria basically pays for itself
Ten years is a long time to go without a decent holiday, so now that Ireland is back on the right track, you should invest in one of those off-the-plan apartments in a sunny country that you missed out on in 2006. Do you want your neighbour to have one while you make do with Trabolgan? Exactly.
4) It’s time for some tax breaks
Now that we’re clear of the deep financial water, it’s time for the government to ease up on all this tax. It’s been ten years of paying high taxes for everything, which was a massive pain in the arse. Get onto your local TD and tell him to start cutting taxes on everything, or you’ll vote for someone who will come the next election. We’ve been giving them money for ten years now, they’re bound to have enough mula to keep the country running smoothly at this stage. It’s economics, baby.
5) Be sure to listen to the opinions of leading stockbrokers
If it’s one thing that the ‘lost decade’ has taught us, it’s to trust these guys. They’ve never put us wrong in the past.