“I’ve Seen Enough Death And I Want Out” Says Burco Boiler

AFTER well over a decade of loyal service, a Burco Boiler has made the decision to no longer be used to make tea and coffee at wakes or at ‘the afters’ of funerals, and will instead dedicate the remainder of its life to brighter occasions such as sports days and cake sales.

The 20l Burco first went into service at the 2003 wake of a local man who died of natural causes, before being called on for every death in the community for the next 13 years.

Owned by nobody, the hot water vessel seemed to just appear at each wake-house as and when it was needed, doling out tea and coffee to accompany the acres of ham sandwiches and custard creams to mourners and lookers-on alike.

However, the years of being surrounded by death have finally taken their toll on the once-shiny appliance, wishing to instead spend the rest of its days in happier locations.

“You can’t boil away the stench of death,” said the Burco, in an emotional interview with WWN, “thirteen years is a long time to hear nothing but ‘I’m happy for her’ or ‘ah he looks awful well though’.

“I’m going to use up whatever life is left in my element to make hot drinks for people who are out living their life to the fullest; local fairs, school open days, very conservative 21st birthday parties, that kind of thing. I’m not even considering it to be work. It’s retirement, and I intend to enjoy it”.

UPDATE: Tragic news – in the weeks since we conducted our interview, WWN have received news that the element on the Burco ‘went’, with only three more wakes to retirement.