WWN Guide To Painlessly Getting Through Airport Security

A NEW security alert at airports has swept across Europe in recent days, leaving holidaymakers facing long delays at security, which in turn cuts into the amount of time they can spend sniffing perfume in the shops and buying big Toblerones.

To combat the amount of time you’ll spend when jetting off this summer, WWN has put together a few helpful hints that should allow you to breeze through checkpoints, getting you to the departure lounge where you’ll be free to post as many pictures of pints with the caption ‘holiday pints’ as you like!

Know how much liquid you can take on-board

Bottles of 100mls or less people, can’t stress that enough. 100mls, anything else will be confiscated. But then again, maybe this rule isn’t as clear as it should be. Maybe you’ll manage to make it through if you have a 150ml bottle with just 100mls of liquid left in it? If you can take three 100ml bottles, then why can’t you take a 300ml bottle? It’s all pretty grey, isn’t it? Maybe take it up with the guy at the security check, have a bit of a natter with him about it. Never mind everyone else behind you, they can wait.

Laptops, tablets, devices, all in the tray

So what all do you have to take out of your bag at the x-ray machine? The sign says laptops, tablets, phones, keys, loose change, your belt, anything with the slightest hint of metal, really. But what does all that mean? When they say belt, does that mean your belt? The one around your waist? And tablets, do they mean like iPads? You’ve got a Galaxy, can you leave that in the bag? It’s kinda confusing. Maybe leave everything in your bag and go through three of four times. That way you’ll know you’re right. Be sure to loudly complain about how much of a fucking disgrace all of this is.

Any sharp objects, razors, scissors, etc. must be in a checked bag

Or just at the very bottom of your backpack. It’ll mean a lengthy argument with security about how you’re supposed to clip your toenails on holidays, but it’s not really your fault, is it? They should put these warnings online when you’re buying your ticket, or on signs all around security. Don’t they realise that you’re late for your flight? When a man can’t toddle up to security with an hour left to go for his flight and stroll through with as much contraband in his carry-on as he likes, that’s when you know the fucking terrorists have won.