FEARFUL that there were some people unaware that she has taken up yoga, Dublin resident Sandra Donning has taken a full page ad out in today’s Irish Times informing one and all that it has ‘changed her life’.
Following a life changing first yoga session carried out in her bedroom while following a YouTube yoga tutorial, Donning confessed to finding the experience ‘freeing’ and has now embarked on a root and branch reappraisal of her ‘chi’.
“What do you mean you’ve never done it? Oh, it would be so, so good for you. Ideal even, you won’t know yourself. You could totally definitely need it, I mean I’m the better for it and it’ll do wonders for you of all people,” read a section of the ad which Donning hoped would reach those friends, family and coworkers who had yet to catch her 14 separate statuses on Facebook detailing the ‘game changing’ experience.
“No, look, I was the same. Yoga, yoga, yoga, like, yeah right feck off. Not. A. Chance. But oh my Buddha, the stress will just leave your body, those bags of yours beneath the eyes gone, you’ll even sort out your bad posture believe me,” Donning’s ad continued, unclear as to who she was condescending and why.
“It’s like someone took a really chilled out hoover to my mind. Can. Not. Recommend. Enough. Seriously, like how chill am I now, it’s like…life goals, ya know?” Donning concluded, desperately hoping the ad had now made everyone she knows aware of her first and to date only 30 minute yoga session.