Drummer Steadfastly Refuses To Die In Bizarre Accident

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WATERFORD drum legend Cian Hoolihan has entered his 30th year as drummer for rock outfit Tripswytch, and still has no plans to die in a bizarre accident or by accidental overdose.

With drum legends such as Keith Moon and John Bonham failing to get past their early thirties before passing away, it has become almost a rite-of-passage for a rock band to lose their drummer through grave misfortune, but so far Hoolihan shows no signs of soloing his way off this mortal coil.

This has been cited as ‘unsportsmanlike’ and ‘not cool’ by several of his Tripswytch bandmates, who feel the national exposure they could get from losing Hoolihan in some form of tragedy could really push them over the edge of success.

“He hasn’t even lost a fucking arm,” said bassist Micky O’Lennon, the youngest member of Tripswytch at just 49.

“It’s really just holding us back. No tribute album, no ‘farewell Cian’ tour of the southeast, no buzz about who will replace him… seriously, if he’s not dead by this time next year I’m going to fucking kill him myself”.

Tripswytch’s new album ‘Still All Here’ is in all good record stores from September.

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