“There’s No Fucking Way I’m Missing Burning Man Again This Year” Commissioner Defends Holiday

GARDA Commissioner Nóirín O’Sullivan will miss next week’s Policing Authority meeting because she is off on her holiday’s to North America, WWN can reveal.

O’Sullivan is expected to take an extended five and a half week holiday from Friday, but insisted that she will be back in time for September’s authority meeting and regrets missing a number of crucial Garda reports in the meantime, including how almost a million bogus breath tests were recorded by an Garda Siochana last year.

“Aw, that’s a shame now,” she said, desperately trying to fit a large box of Barry’s tea bags into her suitcase, “I was really looking forward to finding out the outcome of those reports and all, but there’s no fucking way I’m missing Burning Man again this year; I’ve my ticket bought since last year and have been really looking forward to just letting my hair down, ya know?”

TDs have criticised the Garda Commissioner’s decision to go on holiday amid the ongoing crises engulfing the force, with many speculating that she is taking her holiday’s over the fallout over the financial irregularities at the Garda Training College, the ongoing Disclosures Tribunal, and the soon-to-be published report on bogus breath tests.

“No matter what time of the year I choose to go on holidays there will always be some Garda controversy, so I can’t win,” O’Sullivan insisted, referring to the 34,675 scandals in the force over the past three years, “no, that’s it; I’m going on holiday, whether you guys like it or not”.

The Garda Commissioner confirmed she will travel along Route 66 for several weeks and plans to attend the McGregor/Mayweather fight on August 26th, before then making her way to the Burning Man festival in the Las Vegas desert.

“I’ll have a head on me like a burst boot when I’m back at work the following week, ha-ha,” she laughed, “sure, you only live once”.