21 March – 20 April
You show someone a funny YouTube video and they don’t laugh, The pair of you just sit there until it’s over. Uncomfortable.
21 April – 21 May
You break a swan’s arm. Wing? Arm? Whatever. It was you or him.
May 21 – June 20
You learn what really goes into kebabs, and it doesn’t deter you in the slightest.
June 21 – July 22
You mow the lawn. Weed the flowerbeds a bit. Fix a hole in the fence. Nothing of note happens.
July 23 – August 22
You get killed by an arrow fired by a rich American on Safari in Waterford.
August 23 – September 22
You spend far too much time arguing online about the new Jumanji trailer.
September 23 – October 22
You sell €4bn worth of weapons to Saudi Arabia, because that’s a perfectly legal thing to do seemingly.
October 23 – November 21
You enter yet another year of being a narky, unlikeable fucker. Hey, if it ain’t broke…
November 22 – December 21
You still feel like running to the window and pointing to the sky every time you hear a helicopter go overhead.
December 22 – January 19
You, an Irish person, try food from a different country for the first time. It’s not as hilarious as those YouTube videos make it out to be.
January 20 – February 18
A quick Google search confirms that yes, you do have internet access.
February 19 – March 20
You’re a big fan of Dr. Who, to the point that this sentence has just made you madder than anything else you’ll read today.