Local Man Hopes It Pisses Rain For The Whole Of Wimbledon

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WATERFORD native and avid tennis-hater Dennis Coleman has expressed a desire to see ‘torrential, biblical rain’ for the next fortnight, washing out the annual Wimbledon tennis tournament and spoiling everyone’s fun.

Coleman, who just hates tennis almost as much as he hates cricket, has gone so far as to take the Child Of Prague out from under the bush in the garden in a bid to ensure that the London-based ‘oldest tennis tournament in the world’ gets pissed on for the entirety of its run.

With play on day one currently underway and skies remaining clear so far, Coleman is keeping an eye on proceedings to see if his wishes for a washed-out Wimbledon come to pass.

“When it starts to teem rain and they send out lads to cover the pitch, that’s what I like to see,” said Coleman, just a bitter prick if we’re being honest.

“I mean, it’s an open-air tennis tournament, in England, and they act all shocked when it starts to lash rain. I say if you’re going to play tennis, play it away to fuck in Australia or somewhere, so it’s not on TV over here in the middle of the day and I don’t have to have my hole sickened listening to the Brits cheer for Andy Murray like he’s the second coming of Christ. Fuck tennis. C’mon, rain!”

Coleman cut short his interview with us to go outside and do some sort of Native American-style rain dance of a thing.

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