A YOUNG office worker has been admitted to A&E suffering from an acute bout of malnutrition, after eating nothing but white bread sandwiches with a tiny sliver of ham and a meager scraping of mayonnaise for almost a full year.
The young man, named locally as ‘that lad who never comes out for lunch’, is believed to have been saving up for the deposit for his first home, and had taken the drastic dietary measures in a bid to save up his cash.
Although his plan was indeed noble, unfortunately he found himself eating the nutrient-deficient meals for much longer than he needed to, thanks to his mortgage advisor dragging out the application process due to a huge amount of time-wasting and faffing around.
“We found him doubled over in the office,” said John Keenan, co-worker and renowned burrito brother.
“We got him into the car and took him to the hospital, he was babbling away about how he just needed to stick with the ham sangers for the three years it would take his bank to process his application. We said here ‘lad, eat some guacamole. 50c extra or not, it’s got vitamins in it’”.
Towards the end, it is believed that the Dublin-based office worker was ‘seeing his sandwiches singing’, a sure sign that he was suffering from ham-dementia.