RIGHT now, without looking to confirm, it is safe to presume that US President Donald Trump is either in the middle of or has recently finished a Twitter tantrum in which he relates the fact that he is the most victimised man in world to his many followers.
It is likely, such offerings will contain a grammatical error or a spelling error. It is also probable that no matter the content of his tweet, be it a push to scold someone for questioning him, or simply giving himself a much needed pat on the pack, it can be and will be easily recontextualised to fit an amusing meme.
It is a certainty that no matter how obvious it is that the latest tantrum is an attempt to drive media exposure to his bitch-fits and away from a more substantial news item, the media will oblige and cover only Covfefe.
However, groundbreaking research from 12 of the world’s leading Universities has revealed that monitoring these Twitter tantrums may not be the most important thing currently going on in the world, and paying attention to them may not be the best use of your time.
“Yeah, turns out this shit for brains’ tweets aren’t what we should be focusing all our daily outrage calorie count on,” confirmed, Dr. Bianca Tyler, just one researcher part of the extensive study. Dr. Tyler went on to outline 5 things currently more important than looking at President Trump’s Twitter freak-outs:
1) Friends and family
“Ha, not really. Psych! Just read some actual fucking news people. Boring as fuck, I know. But try reading beyond an emoji reaction guide to Donald Trump’s latest bowel movement.”
2) This picture of a banana
“This one isn’t actually a joke. I don’t personally know this banana, and am not aware of its qualities, but honestly the research doesn’t lie. It’s more important than keeping abreast of President Dildo’s latest twitchy Twitter finger word vomit.”
3) This music of Paul Simon
“The dude is seriously underrated, even though he’s a big name, it’s a crime.”
4) Making fart noises with your hands
“Everyone goes for the armpit version, but that’s easy. Try perfecting the hand fart noise one, much harder and dare I say more important than dickweed’s tweets.”
5) War crimes being committed in Yemen, famine in East Africa, Syrian War, how Trump’s various policies are actually affecting things, anything going on in your locality that could be adversely affecting you or your loved ones and other generally boring stuff
“Yeah, anything that makes you instinctively want to shut down and switch off your brain ‘cus actual world events with consequences are boring are actually more important. We know, this requires actual effort to read up on, understand, and maybe act on. But the results of this study do. Not. Lie.”
“We cannot stress this enough.”