DESPITE the loud and piercing sound of yet another alarming wake up call, it is believed the government is still in a deep and impenetrable slumber following the horrific fire at Grenfell Towers in London, which has given the Fine Gael led government no pause for thought.
Wake up calls, issued regularly to the Irish government via the medium of news reports on tragedies here in Ireland and abroad, have failed to rouse successive Irish governments from their sleep, with many opting to cover their ears with pillows and enjoy their lie in.
“Slept right through it, it just sounds like nothing to me at this stage. Maybe we should think about changing the ringtone on the alarm or something,” explained one minister after WWN violently shook him awake.
The minister went on to confirm that despite many Celtic Tiger era housing development failing to meet even the most basic fire safety standards, an underfunded fire service, and the complete absence of an independent body to perform inspections, everything would be ‘grand’.
“Did houses burn down in Kildare in 2015? Sure. Does one of south Dublin’s most ‘luxurious’ set of apartments need €10 million to fix fire safety defects so it won’t go up in flames? Yup. And did they go on fire shortly after this came to light? Of course. But trust us when we say there’s no need to get off our arses and be proactive about any of this, sure that costs money,” the minister added.
Those residing in social housing and apartment development were said to have breathed a sigh of relief at these comforting and reassuring comments before then being informed that the government has been sitting on a report on fire safety a full 15 months after it was completed and are still refusing to publish it, or act on its findings, whatever they may be.