WITH Father’s Day just around the corner, families across Ireland are making sure that there’s the perfect gift for Dad, whatever his interests may be.
From golf stuff for golf dads, to whisky stuff to whisky dads, there’s something to suit every father… except of course those grumpy bastards dads who don’t seem to have any hobbies outside of complaining from sunup to sundown. Well, let WWN bring you through our gift guide to suit even the grumpiest hoors in the country:
1) Foreign Neighbours
Want to give your grumpy dad something he can give out about for ages? Ship in some new neighbours to the house next door, or even the house up the street. Really loud foreign lads who root around under the bonnet of a car for the whole day, and play thumping bass music well into the small hours. Your dad won’t know what to give out about first; it’s the gift that just keeps on giving!
2) Clamp him
You can buy car clamps online for next to nothing, so why not clamp your dad’s car this Father’s Day? It’s the perfect combination of a curse-heavy rant from 8am until the afternoon, followed by an evening in the pub where he can rant about clampers to his mates while getting some quality ulcer-building time in.
3) Get pregnant
If you’re a daddy’s girl, go get yourself pregnant… if you’re the son of the family, go knock someone up. Your dad will be delighted at how angry he is! His straightforward life has just become a complicated nightmare, and everything he put his heart into teaching you appears to have gone ignored… he’s now got enough to be grumpy about for the rest of his life.
4) Buy a winning lotto ticket for that one uncle your dad hates
Nothing would give your dad more pleasure than the fountain of complaining he could do if your mam’s brother that he never liked scooped a Lotto jackpot. Bring that early grave even earlier, all for the price of a Quick Pick!
Oh, he’ll love that. Something that he hates but can’t give out about, compounding his grumpiness, freeing it to spill out over everything else. Nice.