Man Utd Will “Throw In Free Set Of Steak Knives” To Club That Buys Rooney

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MANCHESTER United have once again hinted strongly about their desire to offload striker Wayne Rooney, by taking out a 15-minute infomercial on shopping channel QVC in which they offer a ‘free set of steak knives’ to any team that might be willing to buy him.

At £250,000 a week, Rooney has struggled to justify his existence at Manchester United, and with manager Jose Mourinho angling for fresh talent in his forward line, all offers are being considered for the 31-year-old.

However, no offers have been placed for Rooney during the first weeks of the post-season transfer haggling period, leading to Man Utd having to offer ‘extra value’ for the striker, in the form of freebies, a money-back guarantee, and free postage.

“He runs! He kicks the ball! He scores, sometimes!” beamed Jose Mourinho on QVC, as glamorous models stood either side of Rooney oohing and ahhing.

“Any team in the Premier League would be delighted to have him, or indeed the Scottish second division, China, LA Galaxy, literally any team; we will cover shippage, no matter where you are!”

“No only that, if you buy Wayne Rooney before the September deadline, we will throw in, completely free of charge, this wonderful set of six stainless steel steak knives, valued in the shops at nearly £100! You can’t afford to miss this wonderful offer!”

“Call the number on your screen now, and see what Wayne Rooney can do… for you!”

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