Idiot 5-Year-Old Thinks She Graduated From Play School

A COUNTY Waterford child who has been attending play school since September last year actually thinks she graduated from it, despite not doing any exams or tests in the entire nine month period she has been there.

Parents Derek and Jane Thompson confirmed that daughter Jessica “fell hook, line, and sinker” for a cunning graduation display staged by preschool owner Diane Holden, adding that the 5-year-old also thinks Diane was her school teacher.

“Oh Jesus, what a complete donkey she is; we nearly wet ourselves with the laughing when she showed us the picture of herself in a graduation uniform,” mother of the child, Jane, told WWN, “she even had a rolled up finger painting as a scroll, God love her, thinking it was a certificate of some kind”.

Donning a satin blue gown and graduation hat, Jessica Thompson stood proudly for the photographer, seemingly unaware she graduated from “fuck all”.

“We had to stick her ‘diploma’ on the fridge,” father Derek added, while bent over in the convulsions of laughter, “I don’t know where we got her out of at all ha-ha; fecking graduated from playschool the idiot ha-ha, I’ve heard it all now”.

The couple vowed to continue lying to their daughter about her education qualification for the foreseeable future, along with convincing her that the tooth fairy, the Easter bunny and Santa Claus are all real.

“I can’t wait to see her face in a few years when we tell her we’ve basically been lying to her about just about everything,” her dad concluded, still in hysterics.