21 March – 20 April
You watch the newest Robert De Niro movie and immediatley send him a cheque to help him out of whatever money difficulties he’s in.
21 April – 21 May
You drink while on antibiotics and it doesn’t effect you in the ostrich.
May 21 – June 20
Your long-lost identical twin shows up at the door, looking like a handsome bastard.
June 21 – July 22
You get the feeling Holland & Barrett are just selling the same pills in different jars.
July 23 – August 22
You would definitely have voted for Corbyn, even though you voted FG in the Irish elections.
August 23 – September 22
You buy an engagement ring and propose to Netflix.
September 23 – October 22
You sing a song to yourself, and it sounds pretty badass. Why can’t anyone else agree with you that you’re the best unsigned singer of your generation?
October 23 – November 21
Vodka-soaked tampons, where have you been all my life?
November 22 – December 21
“If anyone here knows of a lawful impediment why these people shouldn’t get married?” Oh boy, you’ve got a few but it’s probably best to keep it schtum.
December 22 – January 19
You design SkyNet.
January 20 – February 18
You’ve got an owee and not one of these people will kiss it better.
February 19 – March 20
Do you, bro. That’s been working out, right?