Leaving Cert Spring Maths Paper 3 Out Of Fucking Nowhere

LEAVING Cert students were left dumbfounded at the announcement that they would be sitting a third Mathematics paper on Monday, following the sitting of Maths Paper 1 and 2.

The decision to throw an ‘exam grenade’ into the mix was made by the Department of Education following years of complaints that the current Leaving Cert model was outdated and didn’t represent the true acquired learning of any given student.

With most students and some teachers complaining that the Leaving Cert is more of a memory test than a test of knowledge, calls have been made to overhaul the process into one of continuous assessment, or one which didn’t boil your entire academic career down to one sweaty fortnight in June.

With Maths Paper 3 due to be sat at 6pm on Monday afternoon, a spokesperson for the Department of Education said that it was time for young people to ‘prove how fucking smart they are’.

“‘Oh boo hoo, exams are tough’, yeah, well welcome to big school bitches” read the announcement.

“You say you’re really clever but the exam system is weighted against you? Well, let’s see how fucking smart you are. You should have no trouble with Paper 3 if you’re as good as you say you are. In fact, we’re not even going to tell you what’s in it… surely years of ‘continuous learning’ will have you prepared for it. Is it trigonometry? Long division? Calculating the lack of fucks the Department give? You’ll find out on Monday!”

Meanwhile, students have reacted to the news with the same weary shell-shocked exhaustion of combat troops returning from a week of manoeuvres only to be told they’re going straight back into the field.