Guns ‘N Roses Make Final Preparations To No-Show At Slane

REFORMED rock legends Guns ‘n Roses are making the final checks ahead of this Saturday’s sold-out gig at Slane, in order to be fully ready to leave 80,000 people standing around in the rain for two hours.

Famed for being one of the best rock outfits of all time, Guns ‘N Roses are also notorious for no-showing concerts, leading to angry scenes as restless crowds demand refunds and hurl missiles at the stage.

Saturday marks the first time the group will play in Ireland since a concert in the O2 in 2010, during which lead singer Axl Rose walked off stage twice after being bottled by a crowd who were furious at being made to wait for hours to see the band perform.

Now featuring the original GNR line-up for the first time in decades, punters have expressed concerns that the band may not be able to recreate the old magic they once had, but recent checks have all but confirmed that concert-goers on Saturday are in for a night they won’t forget.

“Axl and the lads are doing their best to make sure that they take to the stage as late as possible,” confirmed a source close to the band.

“Then they’re ready to hit the crowd with some seriously washed-out, pale imitations of their classic hits, before wandering around disinterestedly for an hour or so and then fucking off in a helicopter before the shit hits the fan. It’s classic Guns ‘N Roses, you guys won’t be disappointed!”

Meanwhile, concert organisers have put on 10,000 extra zimmer frame-friendly seats for the band’s long-time fans.