“They’d Eat Themselves If They Were Made From Chocolate” – Local Crow Slams Swallows

A WATERFORD crow has today slammed swallows in the area, insisting the family of passerine birds love themselves so much that they would actually eat themselves if they were made of chocolate.

Karl Crow, whose nest is perched on a tree in Waterford’s People Park, said he was also sick to death of swallows coming and going every year whenever the please, and called on stricter border controls.

“Oh, our country is too cold for you in the winter? Well then piss off altogether and leave us alone, you bunch of fucking silk cut smoking pansies,” Crow cawed, referring to the birds annual flight to North Africa every year to avoid the bitter Irish weather, “They think they’re great because they go on holiday’s six months of the year. If us crows did that, it would be all over the news and treated like an invasion.

“Nothing annoys me more than Winter evaders getting away with not staying for winter, while the rest of us birds work hard, keeping the country afloat”.

Crow’s latest attack comes just one month after the swallows return to Ireland, signifying the beginning of summer time.

“Swallows would eat themselves if they were made of chocolate,” Crow continued, now squirting a large shit onto a branch, “you wouldn’t see them eating dead roadkill, or hovering around seaside resorts looking for chips. No. They’re too good for that. Swallows would rather fly around, tweeting their foreign nonsense while eating their fancy insects,” before concluding, “Fork-tailed cunts should fuck back to Africa with themselves”.