Man Threatens To Set Himself On Fire Outside RTÉ If Fair City Kidnap Story Isn’t Ended

WWN can exclusively reveal that a very irate man is currently on RTÉ grounds in Donnybrook, threatening to self immolate if a storyline involving the kidnap of one character isn’t brought to an immediate end.

Doused in gasoline and clutching a lighter in one hand and scraps of paper in another, the man, believed to be regular Fair City watcher Gerry Gownan (49), is currently trying to negotiate with Fair City writers in a bid to finish the kidnap story centred around the disappearance and kidnap of Katie.

“Look, I’ve fucking written it for you here,” Gownan screeched in desperation, shaking the paper in his hand, which WWN presumes to be a fan-fiction episode that sees Katie freed.

“It says it right here, ‘then Katie, the dope, runs and is free’. That’s how easy it is lads, honest. And if you don’t use it tonight I’ll be setting myself on fire,” Gownan said, expressing a frustration that many viewers feel after a year of watching the storyline unfold and then not unfold at all.

“Fuck it, you can have a dream sequence for all I care. Have it all be going on in Katie’s head as she was waiting for the bus into town or something,” Gownan added, before flicking at his lighter to show he means business.