WWN’S Horoscopes

Share
SHARES

aries

21 March – 20 April

You don’t care that it’s the middle of May, you’re going to watch Elf.  

taurus

21 April – 21 May

You get hit by a smooth criminal.  

gemini

May 21 – June 20

You don’t know why ‘fuck, marry, kill’ have to be separate.  

cancer

June 21 – July 22

You get three stars on a Winning Streak, but you don’t send it in.

leo

July 23 – August 22

Your gang still consists of just you and one other weird lad.  

virgo

August 23 – September 22

Your favourite TV show is people falling down on YouTube.

libra

September 23 – October 22

You sue your parents for raising you to be such a fucking idiot.  

scorpio

October 23 – November 21

You have a go at a fidget spinner, and blind yourself.  

sagittarius

November 22 – December 21

You dislocate your shoulder throwing shade.  

capricorn

December 22 – January 19

You use your Nutribullet to make a delicious rasher-mayonaisse paste. Great on sambos!  

aquarius

January 20 – February 18

Ha, nice suit! What, were you at a funeral or something? Oh, you were? Your mum? Yikes. Sorry.  

pisces

February 19 – March 20

You’ve been afraid of Nazis ever since reading about Nazis as a child.  

WWN Newsageddon Book - Buy Here WWN Newsageddon Book - Buy Here
Comments ( 1 )
Share what you think.
Share