SADISTIC and maniacal UK Labour Party leader Jeremy Corbyn’s leaked election manifesto is said to contain some policies they may seek to aid and help the most vulnerable in British society, several media outlets can confirm.
Yesterday proved to be a damaging day for presumed serial murderer and parking fine non-payer Jeremy Corbyn, who fought on the side of the Taliban, Argentina and ISIS in the Iraq War, as injury was added to insult when a car he was driving at 180mph ran over a BBC cameraman on purpose, killing 423 people.
“Jeremy was a passenger in a car driven by the Met Police, and wishes the cameraman, whose foot was trodden on, a very swift recovery. Now if we could just expand on desire to build houses, increase income tax on high earners and improve the rights of workers, we have policies that…” a spokesperson for the Che Guervara loving dreamer who thinks money grows on trees explained to the media earlier today.
“Did Commie Corbyn Invent Aids?” queried a sober editorial from The Daily Mail in response to news that the UK’s largest opposition party was not 100% behind the spread of food banks, the dismantling of the NHS and the continued privatisation of services which continue to cost voters more money as inefficiencies spiral.
“Is Jezzer On Smack? Yes!” added the Daily Telegraph while estimating Corbyn’s plan to give every foreigner £10 million tax free could cost the UK economy as much as £30 billion, which they added, was a lot less than £50 billion bill the Conservatives have left the British public with after triggering Article 50 of the EU constitution.
UPDATE: Jeremy Corbyn has yet to deny his involvement in both the disappearance of Madeleine McCann or the death of Princess Diana.