HERE at Lovin’ Waterford, we know that the true donut experience in Ireland isn’t the one you get when you visit a trendy donut bar and grab yourself a structurally-unsound, jam-packed monstrosity of a deep-fried treat. Instead, it’s the experience you get when you fill your car with unleaded, grab a coffee and say ‘fuck it. I’ll grab a 2 euro donut as well’.
But if you’re thinking that ‘hey, 2 euro is a lot to pay for the joy of eating a nearly-mouldy bun’, then just follow our recipe for your very own batch of authentic Topaz-quality stale donuts!
1) Buy donuts
You can buy donuts anywhere you want, but for the best value we recommend somewhere like Lidl, who sell the same amount of dough and sugar as anyone, but for like 49c at the most. You can pay more, but why would you?
2) Leave donuts in sun for a day or so
Next, take these yummy donuts and just leave them lying in direct sunlight for 48 hours or so. Remove after day 1, wrap in clingfilm and then just put them right back out in the sun again. Be sure to leave them lying under a sign that says ‘Fresh today!’ or ‘Treat yourself!’, just to build disappointment.
3) Waft the smell of diesel over them
Leave an open fuel container near the donuts throughout, filled with petrol or diesel. Invite strangers to walk over, pick the donuts up, decide they don’t want them and then leave them back.
Enjoy! Well, not enjoy, but you know what we mean. Eat!