21 March – 20 April
Don’t look now, but there’s a man behind you who… HEY! We said don’t look now!
21 April – 21 May
You continue to raise your phone 18 inches into the air every time you haven’t got a good signal.
May 21 – June 20
The person you’re arguing with online just made a typo in their retort! Ha! You have them on the ropes now!
June 21 – July 22
You really have your ‘uh, duh’ face perfected.
July 23 – August 22
You wait around for an extra bit after the credits of Schindler’s List.
August 23 – September 22
Get the barbeque out GET THE BARBEQUE OUT QUICK QUICK QUICK
September 23 – October 22
What if chemtrails are the reason you don’t believe in chemtrails?
October 23 – November 21
A celebrity blocks you on Twitter! You’ve hit the big time!
November 22 – December 21
You eat a delicious salad for lunch. Well, it’s a tub of coleslaw but who cares.
December 22 – January 19
The guy working at the drive-thru proves to be a remarkably good listener, and very open to hearing about your day.
January 20 – February 18
IF YOU READ THIS U R GAY HAHAHAHAHAHA
February 19 – March 20
If you had a euro for every time you dropped your phone on your face, you’d have 11 euro. Which isn’t much, but c’mon, quit dropping your phone on your face.