WWN’s Horoscopes

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aries

21 March – 20 April

Don’t look now, but there’s a man behind you who… HEY! We said don’t look now!  

taurus

21 April – 21 May

You continue to raise your phone 18 inches into the air every time you haven’t got a good signal.  

gemini

May 21 – June 20

The person you’re arguing with online just made a typo in their retort! Ha! You have them on the ropes now!  

cancer

June 21 – July 22

You really have your ‘uh, duh’ face perfected.  

leo

July 23 – August 22

You wait around for an extra bit after the credits of Schindler’s List.  

virgo

August 23 – September 22

Get the barbeque out GET THE BARBEQUE OUT QUICK QUICK QUICK

libra

September 23 – October 22

What if chemtrails are the reason you don’t believe in chemtrails?

scorpio

October 23 – November 21

A celebrity blocks you on Twitter! You’ve hit the big time!  

sagittarius

November 22 – December 21

You eat a delicious salad for lunch. Well, it’s a tub of coleslaw but who cares.  

capricorn

December 22 – January 19

The guy working at the drive-thru proves to be a remarkably good listener, and very open to hearing about your day.

aquarius

January 20 – February 18

IF YOU READ THIS U R GAY HAHAHAHAHAHA

pisces

February 19 – March 20

If you had a euro for every time you dropped your phone on your face, you’d have 11 euro. Which isn’t much, but c’mon, quit dropping your phone on your face.

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