THE entire landmass of Britain has reportedly gone missing overnight from its usual location on the West coast of Europe, leaving behind a £100 billion Brexit bill and no forwarding address for Europe to send its invoice to.
Thousands of incoming planes and cargo ships on route to the UK were left stranded and later advised to “return to sender” this morning, shortly after sunrise.
“There was an unusual swirling sea where the cliffs of Dover should have been,” airline pilot Ashir Hassan told WWN, who was due to arrive at Stansted airport at 6:30am this morning, “the whole country has just gone without a trace, so we had to land in Dublin instead”.
The move comes just one day after Brexit Secretary David Davis said Britain would not pay the so-called divorce bill, with many speculating the sovereign nation has fled the region, taking Scotland and Wales with it.
“Well, this is just great,” Northern Ireland’s former first minister Arlene Foster stated after hearing the news, “We’re just kinda left here, still attached to Ireland. Where have they gone? Why didn’t they bring us with them? I’m just too upset for words”.
EU investigators are currently retracing the nation’s steps using satellite technology, with clues hinting that Britain may now be heading to Gibraltar.
“We’re not sure if they are going to attempt to park up beside Gibraltar, or take it with them on the way to the Falklands,” lead investigator Eric Hin Vonsen explained, “we have tried calling the UK several times but it goes straight to Theresa May’s voicemail message”.
It is still unknown whether Scotland has been taken hostage by England, or if it left on its own accord.
More as we get it.