“Remember I Said I’d Step Down. That Was Gas” Confirms Taoiseach

THE TAOISEACH Enda Kenny was found chuckling mercilessly to himself as he recalled the time, in late February, when he led his Fine Gael colleagues and the Nation to believe he would step down and clear the path for a successor to the position of Taoiseach to be selected.

“Ha, remember I said I’d step down. That was gas,” Kenny said doubled over with laughter, slapping his thigh enthusiastically at the memory of intimating to those in his party that he would vacate his role of leader, “and people say I’m a dry shite with no sense of humour”.

“And then everyone just left me alone to get on with it, taking me at my word. Look at me here over in Canada like nothing was ever said, you’ve got to laugh,” added the leader,who is in Canada for a few days of not stepping down as leader of the country.

Kenny admitted that it tickled him no end that the weeks since calls for him to step down were first issued in earnest, the country has slouched from one outrageous news item to the next and yet he is still in place.

“God, you’re right,” remarked an aide of the Taoiseach’s, who wasn’t laughing, “we’ve had the breathalyzer stuff, the maternity hospital, Irish Water, the Grace report, what else?”

“I feel like I’m missing some big ones,” added the aide who forgot to mention how rivals for the leadership Leo Varadkar and Simon Coveney have used the intervening weeks to make up figures about social welfare fraud and new house builds.

“I know,” grinned the Taoiseach while bursting into uncontrollable laughter once more. “It’s literally that easy in this place, say one thing, keep the head down, let others mess up and ride out the storm”.