Can Swear Words Be Improved By Adding ‘Bag’ On The End Of Them? WWN Investigates

A QUESTION no one has thought to answer. Until now. WWN’s Investigative Team poured minutes of research and work into finding out the answer for our dear readers in order to see if swear words can be improved by simply adding the word ‘bag’ on the end of them.

Given the choice to dedicate our enviable resources on something more important, we immediately declined. We had the greater to consider. The results were astonishing and have huge implications for future swear word use in Ireland and beyond.

Dick.

“What would you know you massive dickbag?”

This one is all about intent and tone. In the wrong hands it rates just 2 childish chuckles out of 5. Said by an elderly woman or a toddler, it’s a solid 5 out of 5.

Fuck.

“I’m fucking sick of you, you fucking fuckbag”.

We rate this one 3 childish chuckles out of a 5. Would consider using it again in the future. Best used when blindingly enraged by some complete fuckbag.

Bollock/Bollocks.

“Oh well if it isn’t John, Waterford’s resident bollockbag”.

It’s factual; a bollock does come in a bag of sorts. But it just leaves us cold for some reason, unlike a bollockbag itself, which help keeps a testicle at the optimum temperature.

However, despite being a strict 0 childish chuckle out of 5, after further research, we found a variant of the swear word earned at least a 3, read on to discover why:

“Oh well if it isn’t John, Waterford’s chief practioner of bollockbaggery”.

Extending bag to baggery breathes new life into the swear word. Not strictly within the rules of adding ‘bag’ to swear words, but we can’t deny its potent allure.

Bitch.

“Stop it Aisling, you’re such a little bitchbag sometimes”.

Initially, it seems like a no brainer. A 5 out of 5. But after our team used it repeatedly in conversation, it became clear there is a huge risk that ‘bitchbag’ would be appropriated by middle class teenage girls up in Dublin, the bitchbags, and could tragically become the next ‘lol’ or ‘soz’. The risk is too great. Never use ‘bitchbag’ in public for fear it is a phrase that you could come to loathe immensely over a short period of time.

Cunt.

“Yeah, well, you tell that cuntbag I’ll see him down the pub on Friday and we’ll straighten things out then”.

Effortless. A joy that sits upon your lips before swan diving off into a pool of aural satisfaction. It’s the kind of swear word modification you dreamed of as a kid. Swear word perfection. It’s hard not to get emotional as the team worked round the clock shouting swear words at one another, but we have been witness to one giant leap for swear word usage in the 21st Century.

While our conclusions require peer review, the Investigative Team here at WWN feel without a doubt swear words are improved with the addition of ‘bag’.