Trump Advised To Shut The Fuck Up For Five Fucking Minutes

A TEAM of senior White House staff has advised Donald Trump to tackle his job as US president with a little more care and tact, adding that it might be best to “please, for the love of God and all that is holy, just shut your stupid fucking mouth for five fucking minutes”.

The advice, cooked up in a think-tank of the brightest minds in the United States and okay’d by both Republican and Democratic senators, is hoped to curb the amount of times the 45th president tweets inflammatory statements, how much he discusses at length how great he is, and how many blatant lies or idiotic statements he makes on any given day.

Trump, still tweeting on a weekly basis about how much he won last November’s election by and still preaching about the ‘fake news’ spewed by news organisations that are unfavourable to him, sat calmly in the Oval Office this morning while a designated spokesperson yelled at him to ‘shut his fucking face and keep it fucking shut’ for a good half hour.

“Mr. President, it is our opinion at this time that you shut your God damn mouth,” said the White House advisor, slapping Trump’s phone out of his hands.

“And put your fucking phone away. Stay the fuck off Twitter, Mr. President. When someone asks you a question, fucking think about what you’re about to say before you say it. When in doubt, just say nothing, because you’re making us all look like a bunch of fucking idiots. That will be all for today, sir”.

UPDATE: Trump has opted not to heed this advice.