NATIONAL FRONT leader and French presidential candidate Marine Le Pen turned towards Mecca to praise Allah following news of a terrorist attack carried out by a man known to police in Paris which resulted in the death of one police officer.
“Perfect timing,” Le Pen remarked in a quiet, gleeful moment to herself when she was sure no one was listening. The attack, carried out on the Champs Elysees, comes before the French public take to the polls on Sunday in the first round of elections and could prove a timely boost to Le Pen and her reliance on painting France’s future as an apocalyptic EU-Islamic State populated only by foreigners.
“I don’t know why you’re helping me Allah, but thank you all the same. I could do with a few more of these too, if you have the time,” Le Pen shared with the religious figure in a moment of a traditional Muslim prayer which she believed involved burning as a French flag, sacrificing a newborn and spitting on a picture of Napoleon.
ISIS has claimed responsibility for the attack, which resulted in Le Pen, a non-Muslim momentarily converting in order to thank Allah for helping her take a step closer to her dreams of being given free reign to stoke fear and hate, while discriminating against whatever group of non-whites she has a disliking for on any given day.
However, the National Front leader has criticised police in the German city of Dortmund after they failed to rush to judgement on a bombing which took place in Dortmund last week. The attack on the Borussia Dortmund team bus, also claimed by ISIS, has been revealed to be the work of a non-Islamic terrorist man attempting to short sell stock in the football club after carrying out the bombings.
“No, no, no, that’s not right, look again. Look closer and more Middle Eastern,” Le Pen urged German police, in the vain hope she could continue to use any and all attacks as justification for purchasing a time machine and transporting France safely back to the dark ages.