Customs Smash Cross-Border Vin Diesel Laundering Operation

A JOINT operation spearheaded by the PSNI and An Garda Síochána, in conjunction with Customs & Excise officers from both sides of the border, has taken down a gang of criminals who had been operating a lucrative scheme involving the laundering of Hollywood megastar Vin Diesel.

Sources close to the multi-agency team confirmed that the laundering ring on the Fermanagh/Cavan border was raided this morning, catching the gang in the act of washing Diesel in a custom-built 9,000 gallon drum.

The laundering of Vin Diesel was reported to be one of the primary sources of income for the gang in recent years, after striking up a partnership with the Fast & Furious star in 2008 and bringing him to the border for a good scrubbing.

The gruff star was found this morning in a vat of warm water, being cleansed from head to toe by men in plastic rain-suits using loofahs on the end of sticks, followed by the discovery of huge quantities of long-discontinued Tahiti shower gel and Clinic shampoo, believed to be Diesel’s detergent of choice.

“This laundering operation was worth millions to the gang,” said Sgt. Mark Henneran, as his officers loaded the criminals and Dom Torretto himself into the back of a Paddy wagon.

“Not only have we disrupted the revenue stream for a major crime organisation, but we’ve also safeguarded the environmental health of our region. The leftover liquid produced after the laundering of Vin Diesel is highly toxic, and these lads were just dumping barrels of it wherever they felt like, poisoning our lakes and rivers”.

UPDATE: in breaking news, WWN are receiving reports that Diesel has seized control of the Garda vehicle, and a high-speed chase to re-apprehend him is now taking place in the greater Belturbet area. More as we get it.