Teenager Willing To Risk Slagging Off Best Friend In Bid To Appear Cool To Everyone Else

IN a last-ditch attempt to move from the field of ‘uncool’ to ‘cool’, one Waterford teenager has made the decision to throw his friend of 8 years under the proverbial bus, any time they’re within earshot of the trendier kids in school.

James Caheran, 16, first became friends with Michael Teigan, also 16, when they discovered a shared interest in both watching cartoons and pretending to be in cartoons while in primary school in their home town of Lismore, Waterford.

However, since moving up to ‘big school’, Caheran has been in awe of the cooler, older kids around him and has made it his business to ‘get in’ with them, even if it means slagging off his oldest and dearest friend to make himself look more like a bigshot.

“So yeah, I’ve been saying things like ‘duh, fucking nice one’ really sarcastically at whatever Michael says whenever the other lads are around, rolling my eyes at him a lot, saying ‘don’t mind him’ to the other lads so that they’ll see that even though I’m not cool, I’m cooler than Michael is” said Caheran, unsure of why any of this is important in the slightest.

“Michael will bring up things that we always talk about, and I’ll reply that those things are for shitheads and weirdos and I’ll be honest, it’s kinda heartbreaking to see the look on his face, but then I see that everyone else is laughing at him and that makes me feel like I really have a shot at being popular in school, at least for another year until we all head off to college or whatever”.

“A year of coolness may not seem like a good trade for 8 years of loyal friendship, but a year is a hell of a long time in secondary school”.

Michael Teigan was unavailable for comment on the matter, as he was off being a good person.